Dear Madamedefiance,
WELCOME!! And I am VERY sorry about the loss of youur Grandmother. This story seems all to familiar to me. My Grandfather died last year too. He was not considered a witness 99% of the time by my Grandmother, and 100% of the time by the congregation. He had faded years and years ago (40 at least). Numerous times my Grandmother sought help by the Elders, wether she should leave him or stay becauase he many times made it very hard on her to remain a witness. They advised her to stay (thank goodness). He did not feel it was necessary to preach or go to the meetings etc. And was very verbal with others about it. Well when he died, my Grandmother had the memorial talk at the hall! He wasn't a witness either! And on top of that the speaker (one who actually was present at the Elders meetings about my Grandfather) talked and talked about the hope my Grandfather had. He gave less that 5 min. on his actual life of my Grandfather. He just read the obituary. That was it!! The rest was spent "preaching" at everyone in the audience, mainly looking at the family. To make matters worse, no one would hardly say two word to any of the family. As they have all either faded, or disassociated themselves, or never were witnesses. Afterwards many, of my family members just cried with disgust. My cousin said," That was not a memorial for Grandpa!! That was a preaching serman!!" We too have very bitter feelings about that so called "memorial!" There was so much that could have been said to really be of comfort. His personality, old stories, the things he liked and the way he lived. Anyhow, I feel your anger! And again, WELCOME!
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty